Todays post is a summary of my feelings about motherhood and why I changed my mind about having a kid (a post that I said aaaaages ago to Janet I would write!)
Remember when I said that I would not talk about baby stuff on my blog?
Oops! Oh well, shit happens (a lot in our household, since Dylan came along!) Oh dear, I really have turned into a baby bore!
Let me start by saying that I am enjoying being a Mum. More than I thought I would. I know that its still early days and things will get tougher, but even the fifth shitty nappy of the day doesn’t bother me.
Ok, it kind of does, ‘cos they stink to high heaven. But thats what babies do, isn’t it? They just shit themselves and cry all the time? Well, thats what I used to think anyway. And that was one of the many reasons why I didn’t want a kid.
Some of my other reasons were environmental, because lets face it, the ever growing population is the biggest threat to our planet, what with our increasing needs for food, housing, fuel and consumables etc. Some were emotional – I felt that I was not up for the job, that it wasn’t fair for a kid to have me as its Mum, plus Rob and I had our relationship problems over the years. Some were practical – we couldn’t afford it, we were living in shitty areas where I wouldn’t want to grow up in let alone any poor future kid of mine, and the world is pretty fucked up and not a nice place these days and things are getting worse with the current austerity etc. And some were pretty minor reasons, but still valid reasons non the less – like I wanted to go out clubbing without worrying about finding a babysitter, I prefered animals to humans (still do TBH) and would rather loads of pets than kids, the amount of work involved in looking after them, and just because everyone else was having kids it didn’t mean that I should as well.
Basically there were far more reasons not to have a kid, than to have one. And I was quite happy as I was, thank you.
But over time, in my thirties, I did come to change my mind and ended up wanting a kid. So why did that happen you ask?
TBH there is no one reason why I changed my mind. I wish there was, because it would make this post a hell of a lot easier to write and a lot more interesting! It was more the case that, gradually over time, there were shifts in my outlook and thinking and motherhood started to feel like something that would make me happy and maybe I did want it to feature in my future.
Maybe I grew up? Maybe I finally felt ready for one? Who knows? I just kind of knew that I was in a good place, life was good and having a kid would not be game over like it would have been in my twenties, it would enhance it and make it more fun.
In a way my three nephews also helped me change my mind. Spending time with them was (and still is) the best thing ever and I love them all so fiercely. Athough it is nice to give them back at times – Aunty privileges and all that!
Our journey to parenthood was not the easiest. Is anything in life easy though? But other people go through a lot worse than us and I am eternally grateful that we have Dylan.
So yeah, things are all good. Dylan does cry and shit himself a lot. But he also has the dirtiest laugh ever, a great sense of humour, is starting to cuddle us, is cute AF and is growing and learning so rapidly that no two days are the same. Plus at the moment he is so sweet and innocent, he doesn’t realise what dickheads his parents are!* Its great!
For years we have listened to our friends talking about their lack of sleep (yet another reason why I didn’t want kids. I like my beauty sleep!) and how their kids do not as they are told and have epic meltdowns etc. These days its kind of in our culture for parents to play the hard done by card and to grumble about what a little bastard their kid is etc. Heck, some people have even made a lot of money from it!
I dunno, I don’t feel hard done by. I feel just lucky. So many people cannot have kids and have lost babies and children, that to me it seems a bit disrespectful to bitch and moan about mundane things on Facebook etc.
I recently saw a meme on FB or Pinterest that said “To the world you are just a mum. To them you are their world” or something along those lines, and that statement kind of sums up the ‘hood for me. You are just one of many. No one really gives a shit if you have kids or not, how you parent them, if you work or not and if your kid is being an arsehole, the perfect angel or is the next Einstien. There is no right or wrong. You just have to get on with the job, do best you can and enjoy it for what it is.
I fully intend to parent the shit out of life and enjoy the next 17.5 odd years of Dylan (as they move out when they are 18, don’t they? Right??!!!)
*Bring on the teen years! Rob said speak for yourself here.